It would be wrong to say that there were no winners when Governor Tony Evers gave his state budget proposal last night. And we all know there were plenty of losers – especially the taxpayers. Here are some of the less obvious winners and losers we see as a result of Evers’ budget proposal:
Winner: RightWisconsin. We will now have prep materials for the next six months. If you have a talk radio program, we can bring the comedy gold.
Loser: Parents with kids in private schools. The teachers unions don’t like your parenting decisions so Evers is eliminating your school tuition tax credit. $12 million more for the state because Evers doesn’t like your kid’s school.
Winner: Walkers, because it will be more expensive to drive a car in Wisconsin.
Loser: Doctors trying to leave early on Friday, because they will be inundated with requests for medical marijuana prescriptions the weekend before Jimmy Buffet at Alpine, or when Sublime plays the the afternoon show at Summerfest.
Winner: Judge Brian Hagedorn. Want to see what an unchecked Democratic Party looks like? Now imagine if the Democrats can just shove this agenda through the courts.
Loser: Anyone who buys something delivered by a truck. Guess who gets to pay those gas taxes and higher vehicle registration fees? You do.
Winner: Those who consider 2009 the good old days, before prevailing wage repeal, Right to Work, project labor agreement neutrality, and other good government reforms.
Loser: Unions. Evers didn’t even mention repeal of Right to Work and bringing back Wisconsin’s prevailing wage law in his speech that was pure lefty political porn. Apparently your issues remained in the brown paper bag.
Winner: Wisconsin Paper Council, because a 1,200 page document will be delivered to every legislative office and promptly thrown in the trash, and then every legislative office will print out the 2017-2019 budget to use as their base document.
Loser: Environmentalist tree-huggers. Not all of that paper for the competing budgets is going to be recyclable. We’ll be clear-cutting the whole Northwoods before this is done.
Winner: Fans of George Wallace. There is a new old white male Democrat standing in the door of the school keeping African American children from receiving a good education. Failing schools now, failing schools forever.
Loser: The First Amendment. Evers’ team prevented the MacIver Institute from covering the governor’s press conference, yet there has been no outrage from the rest of the media. “Democracy dies in darkness” or something like that, right?
Winner: Potential Republican opponents of Representatives Doyle and Vinning, and Senators Schachtner and Schilling. Consultants are already designing the campaign literature for that roll-call vote to adopt Evers’ budget. Opposition research made easy.
Loser: Businesses in Madison and Milwaukee. Evers’ budget would repeal state law preventing local governments from regulating family and medical leave, wage claims, employee benefits, hours of work and overtime. Comrade Soglin will now be managing your human resource departments.
Winner: Manufacturers of Hot Pockets, Little Debbies, and Funyons because Evers’ budget is stonerific. We get the munchies just thinking about it.
Loser: Unborn Children. Evers will send your tax dollars to Planned Parenthood because abortions are just like tonsillectomies.
Winner: Cave dwellers, because that’s the only place people are going to be able to live if Wisconsin is powered by 100 percent renewable energy by 2050.
Loser: Campaign promises. “I’m planning to raise no taxes,” Evers told The Washington Post right before the election.
Winner: Students committing plagiarism. Evers stole Sen. Dale Kooyenga’s idea of repealing the minimum markup on fuel to ease the burden of raising the gas tax. Old habits die hard for the governor. You can just hear every high school term paper writer saying, “If it’s okay for the governor…”
Loser: Road builders. They just want more money, and now they have to do battle with ABC on prevailing wage while fighting the petroleum marketers and the grocers on minimum markup. Who would have thought defeating Walker would have been the easy part of getting more money for transportation?
Winner: Wal-Mart. In the minimum markup battle, Evers chose them over Wisconsin’s own Kwik Trip. Hope these changes don’t cause Kwik Trip to move their corporate HQ five miles over the border into La Crescent, MN, or raise the price of bananas.
Loser: Tax filers. Evers is going to add 36 more people to the Department of Revenue to shake down the taxpayers for more money. But they will play “On Wisconsin” during every audit.
Winner: Former Governor Scott Walker. “Miss me yet?”