LA CROSSE, WI – April 1, 2019 – Kwik Trip Inc is expected to announce Monday that the Wisconsin-based company failed in its bid to buy Walmart.

“We thought it would be the perfect fit,” said Kwik Trip spokesman Mark Upmann. “One small, family-owned company buying another family-owned company. Our supply chain synergy would have made us rulers of the world! Oops, I mean, we would be able to offer more at lower prices for our customers. It was a win-win. Yeah, that’s it.”

However, insiders says the Kwik Trip bid failed when they discovered that the minimum markup law applied to Walmart stock in Wisconsin.

“Who knew?” said one Kwik Trip insider who wished to remain anonymous. “Walmart warned us about the minimum markup law. We didn’t listen. Now the stock price is out of reach.”

Ironically, had Kwik Trip attempted to make the purchase of Walmart stock in a state that didn’t have a minimum markup, the sale probably would have gone through.

“We might have been able to even get a discount and buy it below cost,” another Kwik Trip source said. “But our stance remains firm. No reduction in the minimum markup law for anything. We need it to protect mom and pop grocery stores and gas station chains like Kwik Trip against the predatory practices of Walmart. Otherwise there won’t be a Kwik Trip on nearly every corner in the state.”


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