MADISON – APRIL 1, 2019 – Senator Liefer Pacek (I-Cold Pines) is expected to face formal charges on Monday, April 1, following an incident on Friday involving a teacher leading a student tour of the Capitol.

“He kept insisting I take a bunch of Blue Books and maps for my classroom,” said Mrs. Ida Unanrep, a teacher at Burpleton Middle School. “But our state representative already sends me too many. Then the senator tackled me and tried shoving the Blue Books in my purse. I panicked and screamed.”

Pacek, in his fourth term representing the 34th Senate district, said there was no excuse for his behavior. “I just looked at the piles and piles of Blue Books, accumulating year after year, with no chance of ever giving them all away,” Pacek said. “I guess I just sort of snapped. Truthfully, I don’t even remember what happened. All I remember is the police asking me how many maps they were holding when I snapped out of it.”

The senator is facing charges of assault with a Blue Book, impeding a student tour of the Capitol, and causing a disturbance louder than a Capitol singer.

Capitol Police spokesman Hugh Dunnit said that unfortunately he’s seen legislators snap under the pressure of needing to get rid of the Blue Books before. “At first, they’re like, cool, who wants a Blue Book? But then they realize their allotment is bigger than they’ll ever need,” said Dunnit. “Soon, the Madison reps are giving them to the homeless to build makeshift shelters.”

Legislators have been creative in recent years in their use of the excess Blue Books. In January, a number of Republican legislators created a labyrinth of Blue Books that started in the rotunda and ended in the basement. However, Secretary of State Doug La Follette complained when he got lost looking for his office. “It’s hard enough to find my office as it is without them creating a maze,” La Follette complained to one of the badger statues in the Capitol. The sergeant at arms took pity on the confused La Follette and asked the legislators to remove the maze.

It’s been even tougher to give the Blue Books away after a recent format change, causing most people to just go to the internet.

“Face it, the new Blue Book f#*&@*g sucks,” said Rep. Scott Allen (R-Waukesha). “Who wants the f@$%*!g things? Let’s just stop printing the g@%&@m books and save some money.”

The desperation to get rid of the Blue Books got so bad, a bipartisan group of legislators even tried to set up a table giving away lemonade and cookies with every Blue Book. However, Assembly Speaker Robin Vos ordered the table removed when the legislators couldn’t provide proof that the cookies were baked in a licensed bakery.

“Rules are rules,” Vos said. “I just want every legislator on an even playing field when it comes to getting rid of Blue Books. Just because I have more staff than anyone else does not mean it is any easier for me.”

Vos said the legislature is considering storing the excess in the Capitol press room. “There’s less and less reporters in there every day,” Vos said. “We could remove a few empty desks to make room.”

Sen. Fred Risser (D-Madison) says today’s legislators have it easy compared to when he was first elected. “When I was first elected, the Blue Books were chiseled on stone slabs,” Risser said. “When paper was finally invented, it really saved my staff from injuries.”

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