(AFNS-Brookfield) A local man was cited by city of Brookfield police for disorderly conduct after attempting to annoy local teenagers enough to “TP” his home in an attempt to get around the toilet paper rationing at local grocery stores.

“We observed the individual standing on his porch, telling kids to get off his lawn even though they were keeping at least six feet away,” said police spokesman Sergeant Scott Toopli. “And then he would yell, ‘I double-dare you to TP my house.”

The Brookfield homeowner, Clark Kimberly, said he became desperate after going to the store and discovering the reports of a toilet paper shortage were true.

“At first, I just poo-pooed the whole story,” said Kimberly. “But then I realized I flushed my opportunity to stock up. If I could just get the kids to cover the big tree in the front yard, I’d be set.”

Toopli said the matter almost got out of hand when Kimberly began taunting the kids to throw eggs. “Kimberly called the boys ‘sissies’ and said they couldn’t throw a jumbo egg far enough to hit the picture window.”

Kimberly said he would have caught the eggs in a soft pillow before they impacted. “I had a basket ready,” said Kimberly. “They were all out of eggs at the store.”